Off the market

It has been almost two years since my last post. Basically what happened was that whoever I was dating before the new year didn’t work out. He was quite douche like about it too. And I became a bit weary about dating however not long after I had met an almost fresh of the boat red head.  We went on a date and a year and a half later we are moving in together. It's been a roller coaster or a ride but I wouldn't change anything.

I didn’t feel that it was within the ‘single in vancity’ nature for me to post during the last year and even now really. I am truly in love with him and am so grateful.

A Rush

They say not to rush into things. And now I fully understand why.

 

Before the new year I decided to use the Tinder app as a means of meeting new guys to have great conversations with. Eventually one guy I thought was very funny and sweet caught my attention and our interactions became through text as opposed as through the app. Eventually he asked me on a date which at the time I was trying to avoid dating but I went anyways as I did think he was sweet.

 

Our first date was great and slightly awkward, he ran into a friend from a while back who introduced us to his baby. After the date he suggested seeing each other on back to back nights, which took me off guard but I attempted to "go with the flow" (this concept I heard is 1) used for reasoning to get into pants faster and 2) girls don't go with the flow they're supposed to set the flow)

 

Anyways, after two dates which I thought were quite reasonable I decided to overcome my own hesitation when he invited me to his house warming (he just moved to a new apartment). Upon arriving and leaving his house warming of about 12 people he talked to me about twice: once to ask if I wanted a drink and another to ask if it was okay for him to go to a strip club.  I guess this should have been a bright red flag for me. But I am quite optimistic, naïve and ignorant.

First date of the new year!

 

I'm pretty excited as this guy seems quite substantial, although I've met him through Tinder (this app has some intense negative social connotations to it). He's made no suggestive sexual comments but has been super sweet with his compliments in what seems to be genuine and has a heightened appreciation for concern that is directed to him. He has it together but is not loaded. He seems to work hard for what he wants and is not privileged enough to coast through life - a benefit I feel we have in common. Best of all, he is striving to make himself better through over all self improvement physically and intellectually. He also has a background in social work which I feel gives us something else in common. I'm trying not to build him up here but just drawing the commonalities so as to point out the reasons behind my date choices. It's never wealth or just appearance that is the deciding factor for who I date, which I am learning is contrary to most girls I've talked to in Vancouver. The substance of conversations and shared interests commonalities that may shape our perspective is something that I look for when dating and of course attraction is essential.

 

Fingers crossed!!

 

 

Dating in Vancouver for 2013

As the year comes to a close I guess this would be the best time to stop and think of the past and how we can build on it for the future.

In terms of dating, I had my heart broken early this year  because I was naive and impulsive. And through the subsequent decisions I made, I continued to drag my heart along. As a break from all the emo posts I've been writing lately I believe this one will be the most comical!

In attempt to help me move on from my first broken heart my friends somehow convinced me to try speed dating. Worst experience of dating yet - and trust me I have some pretty bad experiences to date. Maybe it was the timer, the sheet we had to fill up or the guys weren't that interesting - wait no that was me I was miserable inside.

The month of Hallmark, Godiva and Florists International. I probably went on a few first dates this month. I was convinced that a month was enough time for me to move on and thus begun my serial dating experience. Most of my dates originated through Plenty of Fish and from the bar - but let me air this out here. People present themselves the same whether online or in person. One guy I met was fine at first and then started twitching - he said he was quiting smoking. And then later I found out he was a coke addict and wanted to a line off my .... GREAT!

After a few texts back and forth, I somehow thought it was okay to meet up with the guy who broke my heart again. This lead to two nights of pretty amazing sex and then 1, 2, ... 8 months of wishing I had decided against it.

This month was pretty quiet for me. Oh except I ran into my ex while out for drinks with a good friend and got drunk enough to leave with him ... except then he left me thinking I had ditched him althought I just slipped to go to the bathroom. And instead of apologizing he was reeming me out and demanding I trek to his apartment because he couldn't be bothered to leave his bed. So the next day I was broken hearted and my good friend was pissed off for me ditching her -  karma really does come back - faster than you think! Dating has been a rollercoaster ride. I often try not to generalize or typify Vancouver guys or guys in general because I hate it when the reverse happens. Its infuriating to hear the generalizations about dating in Vancouver that some articles post or some people rant about. There are great guys and great girls out there - I know this because I have met them and know them, they are just hard to find. Please note how this blog is specific to me and my experience.

I'm pretty sure the guy I dated for the month of May was bi-polar. I didn't know this when I met him and the subsequent weeks I dated him but in the end I definitely knew it. I met him online - I know, I know. Trust me, my optimistic and naive outlook of online dating was changed after this. He seemed great, had a good job, recently invested in a place, was active, he looked like he did online and I was attracted to him. He was assertive, educated and knowledgeable. And then a few weeks in, I would notice his personality switches would come around and they were quite extreme. The most extreme was the last time I saw him. We went on a nice romantic date, had dinner at a local french bistro and ended up on a restaurant patio overlooking the mountains. After ordering a bottle of wine, he launched into a verbal and emotional attack of who I am and what I do. I am pretty emotional so I cried, quietly, but cried. I guess I was confused as to what was happening and internally conflicted as to whether I should stand up for myself and argue but at the same time I didn't want to stoop to his level as he had caused quite a scene with his yelling. The waitress had asked him to leave a couple times before the restaurant manager escorted him out. I know you must be wanting details because clearly I must have said something but screw you for even thinking that any person has the right to treat someone else that way.

I forgot to mention that the night I was left crying at a restaurant patio I was super drunk and the next morning I realized I had texted my ex. We texted a couple times again he asked to go for drinks and I was in class so I said something about not being able to. I went for drinks with some friends one night and deviously decided to see him - the next day he said he would text and never did. Really - I know I cause my own problems.

After half the year going by with such insanity I decided to focus on myself in July, especially as it was my birth month. I did meet someone though and we started dating towards the end of the month. He was quiet, industrious and seemed a bit shy. We had good conversations though and he seemed hard working which I liked.

This was the slowest dating experience I've had. Maybe because he was either shy or "wasn't that into me" I feel like I had been the more assertive one. Although I know he made some effort it wasn't enough for me? This must make me sound like a snob but he would have rather played golf with his 40 year old golf buddies than see me. We hadn't seen each other for a week or so? --- Is this too high maintenance of me? Clearly we both wanted things the other couldn't provide.

September - This was a time where I switched jobs and began working 10-12 hour days 7 days a week. So I didn't date.

This has been a long enough post of me rambling about my dating experience ... part 2 is to come!

Getting over a broken heart

In three weeks it will have been a year since I ended things with the first guy I fell in love with. Being the naive, inexperienced and stubborn girl that I am, it took me a year to realize how much I did love him.

From the weeks of hoping and wishing that he would be the one to reach out to me, to feeling a loss in realizing he never would, to coming to understand that through everything we both had changed and how I had tried so hard to move on -- I still can't seem to get my feelings for him out of my system. I've tried to rationalize that it is just my inexperience and that maybe I just haven't found the right guy and of course the constant re-assuring that I did everything I could while we were together to try and make him happy. Nothing has worked to erase my feelings towards him. I've been reading articles lately with advice on how to get over someone you loved and they suggest a few helpful things that I thought I might impart to make this post of value:

1. Live in the current - try and detach your memories to just what they are: the past.

2. We tend to, or I tend to, have a habit of remembering the good qualities in people and situations that we forget or overlook the reason for why we made our decision in the first place.

3. Women get labeled and we label ourselves as "emotional" and rule that out of the process of rationality --- this has to stop. We make decisions based on our emotions because our feelings exist and they are of value just as much as the logic in our thought processes.

4. Live with no regrets - where you are now is a result of the choices you've made and the situations you've been given. I am at a good place in my life, aside from this broken heart recovery, I am fine. If you aren't at a good place right now, you have the power to change it.

5. Optimism - it really is quite powerful.

The list could go on with other quotes but for now focusing on each of these always seems to get me going.

Do you have any more suggestions?

Very slowly but surely

I can't believe half the year has gone by ... and I'm still thinking of him. I don't think it helps that we had seen each other practically once every month. A little part of me, steadily diminishing, still misses him and what I had with him. It still makes me cry to think of how great everything was at first. I sometimes even blame myself for being so impulsive and emotional. This acceptance business is taking a really long time for me. I tried a not so great way to get over it and I rebounded with this guy who I had nothing in common with. He was sweet, sensitive and ambitious -- the problem was that he was also psychotic. I'm going to save my experience of dating him for about a month for another post. I just so badly want to get over this guy and move on already.

Meanderings

How is it possible to love someone so much that despite all the hurt and tears you willingly will give them another chance? Is that where the term 'stupid love' came from? Why are people so conditioned to forget all the hurt and willingly choose to love? How...

... Is this really love?

I want it to be this easy.

I'm just a fool

I guess to save me from going into the detail of how I was pathetic and needy over the last month I am posting this new song by Christina Aguilera & Blake Sheldon. I thought this song pretty much sums up my current sentiments. Just goes to show that everyone goes through this? I am taking a dating hiatus. Time for personal recuperation! 

Wheel of Fortune

When you think of the Wheel of Fortune you think of a flat circle being spun around with dollar signs and of course Vanna White & Pax Ajax (or however you spell their names). The object I am referring to however is one that stands upright with no dollar signs but rather signifies fortune & misfortune as the wheel moves cyclically upwards then downwards.

I guess you can say this was coming and I ran straight into it, rather I ignorantly walked towards it. Maybe it just happened too fast at the wrong situation? I don't know. I have been known to be horribly impulsive and too meticulously over analytic but I expect a lot from someone that I potentially will date.  I think I need a hiatus. Every relationship around me seems to be decaying.

Men really are from another planet

I feel like I kicked a dying horse last night. Last night I impulsively expressed my concern for you and it ended up being a massive explosion. I expressed how worthless you made me feel and you said I created that delusional understanding on my own. You then said you never rejected me and that I also perceived that situation on my own as I wanted to see it. I laughed, the entire thing was so comical. There is no way we can see eye to eye it seems - although I am empathizing with you for your situation. I apologized this morning for saying a ton of hurtful things, something I don't usually do and all you did was justify what you had said then proceeded to saying you were okay with being friends.

Am I the only one who is confused by this?

Girls & Guys

From what I've heard and have experienced, regular Joes perceive relationships or dating as a thing of the moment. They ask us to stop thinking about the future or tomorrow and live in the current -- to focus on behaviors, situations and expectations 'now'. This would be great if life wasn't a cycle and if the word 'tomorrow' didn't exist. Maybe girls are smarter than the regular Joe who fails to see the importance of laying the foundation for tomorrow now.

While each situation may seem unique, the advice for girls experiencing difficulty in a relationship is to look at what they have now and stop thinking about later - to lower their expectations. It encourages a sense of complacency or contentment in the current situation with the assumption that there is time before the 'future'. But what if you end up falling madly in love with this guy who exhibits no willingness to change and become what you view as important? I know this seems vague and over generalized but I was reading an article written by a guy (link at article can be found below) and while I can relate to how he approaches the concept of the 'future' I'm not sure I agree entirely with the message he is trying to convey.

What do you think?

ARTICLE:  http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/boyfriend-live-together/

My weekend rampage

It started with a work party at The Pint.

Early on in the week I told myself I was on self-preservation mode. I was trying to embrace being single and having so much freedom to anything with my time (for me this meant signing up to volunteer as a chair in committee for a well known charity organization and going to interviews to scout for a second job). And then the weekend hit and somehow I let loose a bit too much and then sunday hit. By sunday night I was wondering what had happened and by monday I felt like I didn't know what I want in my life anymore.

I feel so de-centralized, so not myself. And I still get emotional thinking about him. I hate being like this!

I am still alive

I realize I've been M.I.A. for a while now. I've been trying to re-live my life and pretty much celebrate surviving Singles Awareness Day (definitely celebrated it if you know what I mean ;)). I know there was a tiny little part of me that hoped he would contact me last weekend but, don't you worry, reality has slapped me in the face.

It is such a beautiful day today, life is great and all those wonderful quotes about people embracing life etc. The sun is shining and the reality of my Seasonal Affective Disorder has come to light. If I weren't sitting at work looking out the window into the sun right now I would probably be depressed.

This post is all over the place. I guess I just wanted to let you 1800 crazy people who view my blog (thank you) know that I am still alive and very much kicking! There will soon be more exciting posts ie. guest bloggers, personal interviews and live event feeds!

Keep posted xo

Fete d'amour

It is on this very day that I wish I invested in flower, chocolate and card making companies OR ran a floral, chocolate or card shop just so I can witness frenzy of people extravagantly purchasing material goods in order to portray their love for someone.

Don't get me wrong, I love any holiday that reminds us to stop and share love or give love (or make love ;)) but I think all of these can be done with out dropping large amounts of dollar bills. Does your significant other need to have a holiday to remind him/her to show you their love? Should this not be an ordinarily freely given affection?

This year, as with every year for the umptieth years I've lived, I am spending 'V' Day as a single & content jane. I have been struggling lately and last night I almost had an anxiety attack trying to prepare for the mix of emotions that I might feel since I've been an emotional psycho lately. Today, however, I strangely feel fine? I mean aside from the jerks showing off their flowers, cakes and whatever gifts they received on my facebook newsfeed, I feel pretty great about myself today - it might also be the medication I'm taking for my cold.

Last year for Valentine's Day my mom had a heart attack so today she considers it her second birthday. Instead of focusing on the lack of a significant other in my life I can focus on everyone else that exists, who have always been there for me no matter what.  Last night I asked my mom what she has gained from her year of life and she said that she now lives on a daily basis. Something I am still learning to do.

If only I could make millions blogging like Bruno makes singing about his love life

I don't understand why I've reverted to caring about your well being again. I actually started missing you again and then I started worrying about how you were doing, why!!! Is this something in my genes? Working hard to earn someone's affection despite constant rejection? You've never once shown that you've put my well being before yours. The situation right now is a clear indication of this. After seeing what I thought was the worst of your personality I thought I was no longer attracted to you but it seems that I am still clinging on to the memory of every great part about you. This feels so irrational for me, I can't understand why I just can't get over you! I would never imagine myself as the type to bend over backwards for someone who has hurt me so much. But here I am.

I at least hope you are sharing the same sentiments as Bruno Mars ...but you're probably not. Even though you did say you didn't think it would be a good idea to hurt me again ... I think it's bullshit for 'I don't have the energy for this'.

Movies

I found myself crying over you again, just when I thought I finally got rid of the feeling of missing you. This time it wasn't cause of anything you did or said but rather everything that you didn't do or didn't say. I was watching a stupid independent movie trying to have a nice relaxing early night at home with a glass of wine. It was about this girl who loved this guy and initially he didn't love her back but then he realized that he did towards the end --- what happened to indy movies!! They are not supposed to be typical, romantic and cheesy like the regular main stream films.

Now I'm trying to watch a documentary about with some species the female ends up eat their mates. Hopefully this female species energy will rub off on me.

Almost there!

I think I’m nearing the end. I haven't cried for the past couple of nights maybe I’m just dehydrated. This week has just been exhausting for me with my ten hour work days, night class and fundraising event this weekend for my non-profit.  I am dreaming about sleeping in and having a day to just lounge around and do whatever I want. Unfortunately, I don’t see a day like that coming my way soon. This is why I’ve resorted to online dating and even then I have no time to schedule in a meet up (imagine trombone playing).

I don't want to cry anymore cause I think you're not worth it. But I'm still hurt that you could be so selfish and thoughtless. But I guess I am crying cause I thought you were someone else, different from who I thought I saw in the beginning. And I guess when I get down to the basics ... you just weren't that into me.

My exact sentiments

This will probably be the only time my exact thoughts and feelings will jive with Mariah Carey's. Enjoy!