So last night he decided to text me. We rehashed what happened, I decided to be honest and tell him I was falling for him but I didn't see myself as a priority in his life so I chickened out and pushed him to leave me. He said so many sappy things, which I willingly fell for again. He asked to hang out tomorrow and I thought I would be open and willing to try things again since I realized I more than cared for him. I know mentally I thought this was not a good idea but I was just so happy to hear from him to know that I actually mattered. I was naive enough to believe that as he was the older more experienced one he would also be considerate and intelligent.
Today I asked him what time we should meet and six hours later I got no response and so the same feelings I had before we broke up resurfaced. I felt disgusted with myself for feeling needy and for allowing myself to be put in the same situation again but I really liked him so I was willing to put myself through anything. I finally texted him: you would tell me if you changed your mind right?. The douche waited until I initiated to finally tell me that he thinks its a bad idea, that he is still in the same position so he shouldn't have texted or emailed me back (he was on my case yesterday for waiting too long to ask him if he was okay --- what an effing child).
I honestly thought he was a good guy and there are parts of him at are sweet but maybe I had blinders on and chose to focus on those great qualities of his that I didn't see the selfish and egotistical bastard that exists within. It honestly pains me to have to put those labels on him because its not my personality to be so angry but right now I hate him so much.
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